Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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