I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
