mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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