I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
