She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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