I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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