How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
