i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
