glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
