It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
