That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She announced her abortion via fbk
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
