Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
