Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
