I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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