good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
