Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab

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  (425): If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab http://tfl.nu/ezlg
  Replies (8) Good night (3155) Bad night (960)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"

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  (937): He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night" http://tfl.nu/9y6d
  Replies (9) Good night (4059) Bad night (873)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?

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  (219): I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate? http://tfl.nu/53jf
  Replies (15) Good night (5712) Bad night (834)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in

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  (480): I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in http://tfl.nu/axx9
  Replies (12) Good night (635) Bad night (4438)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  There was a lot of him and a little penis

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  (520): There was a lot of him and a little penis http://tfl.nu/hz43
  Replies (57) Good night (602) Bad night (6519)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

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  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (56) Good night (30659) Bad night (1622)
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview

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  (731): i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview http://tfl.nu/woj8
  Replies (22) Good night (3951) Bad night (1275)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination

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  (904): so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination http://tfl.nu/nopp
  Replies (5) Good night (2309) Bad night (963)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.

  (1-845): View more from New York

  she is way to in-touch with her childhood

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  (845): She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside. (1-845): she is way to in-touch with her childhood http://tfl.nu/m5xk
  Replies (11) Good night (2219) Bad night (1110)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.

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  (505): I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask. http://tfl.nu/ia8j
  Replies (8) Good night (604) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.

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  (607): I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability. http://tfl.nu/69z6
  Replies (3) Good night (572) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.

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  (312): Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco. http://tfl.nu/zgwl
  Replies (4) Good night (632) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.

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  (434): I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism. http://tfl.nu/xlca
  Replies (3) Good night (465) Bad night (231)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.

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  (708): Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry. http://tfl.nu/gvhn
  Replies (0) Good night (488) Bad night (147)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra

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  (425): Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra http://tfl.nu/b4si
  Replies (2) Good night (339) Bad night (184)

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