my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette