Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(613): View more from Ontario

I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"

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(613): I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!" http://tfl.nu/plpd

Replies (11) Good night (5308) Bad night (1160)
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(847): View more from Illinois

you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé

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(847): you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé http://tfl.nu/voe0

Replies (29) Good night (7653) Bad night (832)
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(785): View more from Kansas

He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms

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(785): He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms http://tfl.nu/p81e

Replies (12) Good night (843) Bad night (3757)
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(347): View more from New York

He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.

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(347): He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for. http://tfl.nu/v3jd

Replies (30) Good night (4433) Bad night (1486)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?

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(724): This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class? http://tfl.nu/x3em

Replies (12) Good night (3612) Bad night (972)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody

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(774): its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody http://tfl.nu/wrf2

Replies (12) Good night (2616) Bad night (709)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have

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(484): But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have http://tfl.nu/07zt

Replies (3) Good night (1042) Bad night (555)
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(518): View more from New York

I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.

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(518): I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face. http://tfl.nu/ha5i

Replies (4) Good night (955) Bad night (432)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.

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(402): Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag. http://tfl.nu/nvod

Replies (2) Good night (493) Bad night (655)
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(586): View more from Michigan

Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.

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(586): Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband. http://tfl.nu/u4p0

Replies (3) Good night (3143) Bad night (475)
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(480): View more from Arizona

We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."

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(480): We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor." http://tfl.nu/95x9

Replies (4) Good night (3157) Bad night (511)
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(620): View more from Kansas

Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.

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(620): Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there. http://tfl.nu/1ncw

Replies (0) Good night (725) Bad night (265)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla

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(615): Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla http://tfl.nu/8j5u

Replies (3) Good night (290) Bad night (641)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.

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(423): God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too. http://tfl.nu/jo5q

Replies (10) Good night (1772) Bad night (275)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.

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(614): I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low. http://tfl.nu/zc0w

Replies (3) Good night (232) Bad night (679)

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