what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday