I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
