I wish my penis had an off switch
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
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His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
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This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?