He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Drunk is not a location!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
