"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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