The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
