I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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