Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
