I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize