You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
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She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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