thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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