The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
