ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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