I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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