U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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