im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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