If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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