I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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