also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
