I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
