he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
