drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
