YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
