you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
