you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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