I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
