Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
