i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
