TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
