I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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