I think I won the penis lottery.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
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Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
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Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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