what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
