You made me cry and you don't even care
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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