he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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