why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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