i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
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There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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