I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
