My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
