you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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