I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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