How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
