Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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