you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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