forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
