Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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