I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
