I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
