Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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