That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
