ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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