a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
A+ Viking dick
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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