yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
