Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
