i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.