I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i can juggle bunnies
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers