it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
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I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
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He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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