She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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