that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian