You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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