I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
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We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I want her autograph on my taint
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams