he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
