i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
