Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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