Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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