Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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