I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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