I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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